Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I spent some vacation time in Hawaii.  Hawaii is a beautiful state (actually a bunch of islands called a state) and it has many sights to see.  Unfortunately, the title of this article describes a sight that I saw repeatedly in Hawaii and, believe me, I could have done without seeing those sights.  It was enough to make me feed the fish, if you know what I mean.

          So, Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa decide to go on that vacation of a lifetime and go to Hawaii.  This is great, everyone should get the opportunity to see the beauty of these islands.  During their trip, for some unknown reason, these people feel the need to parade around the hotels, restaurants, and beaches in bathing suits with minimal coverage qualities.

          Now, to give you a visual, understand that these people are not hardbodies or fitness fanatics.  Hell, the majority of these people jiggle more than Jell-O when they walk.  The guys’ bellies have been developed through years of guzzling Old Milwaukee, Rainier, or Pabst.  In the meantime, these guys haven’t hit the gym or done any real exercise (No, softball is not exercise!) in years so their arms and legs have atrophied to the size of McD’s french fries.  The women’s asses and chests have long since given up the struggle against gravity and are several inches lower than in their glory years.  In addition, their stomachs and thighs have grown as a result of child-bearing and/or bon-bon eating.  As a result, the former curvaceous bodies of these women now look more like brats.  The lowlight of the trip had to be when I was on a beach looking at the scenery and saw a family looking for shells near the shore.  My eyes were, against my control, drawn to the husband who, at 6’4" and 270ish, was quite a sight in his Speed-O.  I was still trying to recover from this sight when Mr. Speed-O turns around to reveal that he wasn’t wearing just a Speed-O but, to my horror, a T-back Speed-O.  Needless to say, I didn’t eat for the remainder of the day.  Given these descriptions, why would these people think that anyone would want to see them nearly naked?  Have some self-respect!

          I have two theories behind why people would go out in public in such attire.  One, there are trick mirrors installed in all hotel rooms in Hawaii that mislead these people to believe that they actually look decent (there is NO WAY that they think they look good regardless of what kind of mirror they are looking at).  Two, folks who have less than desirable bodies get some sort of perverse enjoyment in subjecting the public to this 'show'.  Regardless of what leads them to do such a horrific thing, I’m here to say "Stop, for God’s sake!"  I’ve had enough hail-damaged thighs, cottage cheese asses, and bellies hanging past guy’s dorks to last a lifetime.  Maybe I should blind myself before I go on vacation again!


Idiot Sighting:  John "Chicken Little" Ashcroft - Our astute Attorney General, in this time of heightened anxiety over terrorism, warns everyone in California that a terrorist attack targeting one of the major bridges in that state is imminent.  Then, after several days of people worrying themselves sick, he lets everyone know that the warning was a mistake and was based on bad info.  Great job, Idiot.

This will be a feature attached to every article 'honoring' that individual or individuals whose 'Idiot' has escaped and displayed itself to the public.  Feel free to nominate people for this award, as I’m sure that I don’t witness all displays of idiocy on show around the world at any given time.

Until next time, The Idiot