When did we Americans become a bunch of suckers, dolts, jackasses, nimrods, etc.?  When did we reward people with no talent, little sense, and huge asses with celebrity status?  How long do we allow people to bask in the glory of their pasts?  When does a celebrity quit being a celebrity and become just another dipshit wasting their lives trying to do something they can’t do well?

       “What am I talking about?” you might ask.  Here is a clue:  Anna Nicole Smith, Kelly and Jack Osbourne, Simon from American Idol, anybody on those stupid reality shows that are on every single night, anyone who fought on Celebrity Boxing, etc.  Still don’t get my point?  Let’s try it this way.  What are the skills, qualities, and talents of these people that warrant their celebrity status?

       Anna Nicole -  Washed-up model, stripper, and Playboy centerfold with the brain of a retarded field mouse and the body of a sumo wrestler.  The only talent that Anna Nicole displayed is the realization that she had about 5 years to make use of her voluptuous figure (by getting naked and letting rich guys bang her that were ten minutes from death) to gain fame and money before her desire to eat full racks of ribs caught up with her.  Now we find Anna Nicole in California, big as a house, wearing things several sizes too small for her, doing nothing, and surrounded by a bunch of ass-kissing nimrods.  So, E! Network decides to give her a show and follow her around all day.  I admit that there is a curiosity about the show, like a car crash on the highway, that keeps you watching to the end to see what dumbass thing Anna will do next – invite her in-bred cousin from Texas out to party, join a millionaire dating service (any millionaire settling for her should have his money and penis taken from him for endangerment), getting drunk, and, of course, being stupid.  Still, it aggravates me to no end that we, as Americans, are paying this dumb slut to sit around, eat, and get drunk because it is entertaining to see someone this pathetic.  If Americans think drunk, wild behavior is entertaining, E! can give me and my boys $1000, plane tickets to Vegas, and a video camera and I GUARANTEE a show much more entertaining than Anna’s.

       Jack and Kelly Osbourne -  Let’s see.  Disobedient and disrespectful, lazy, good-for-nothing, butterballs who spend most of their time lounging around the house.  For the their part, they can barely keep from screwing up the opportunities afforded to them by their father’s fame and money due to their partying and painful lack of talent or looks.  Although the family’s extreme dysfunctional nature provides millions of MTV viewers with entertainment, it doesn’t mean that anyone, aside from Ozzy, has any talent in the family.  The fact that they don’t heed their parent’s advice or treat them with respect is not a show of talent; just kids being assholes.  Likewise, partying until they vomit and sitting on their asses all day shouldn’t qualify them as celebrities worthy of magazine covers.  Based on this precedent, it seems that all of my high school classmates who took a job at the local gas station, began working for their dads, or got knocked up and started churning out kids at 18 and 19 will soon be on the cover of People.  Since every decent parent in America would be pulling their hair out and calling guidance counselors if their kids emulated the Osbourne kids, it seems ridiculous that we reward such behavior with celebrity status.  This misguided celebrity stature will become even clearer when Jack and Kelly enter the rehab clinics and start bad-mouthing mom and dad for not properly preparing them for the real world.  Prediction:  Kelly pregnant and in the rehab clinic in 3 yrs., Jack O.D.s a few years down the road after fame has rightfully left him.

       Simon -  Asshole, simply said.  This guy is put in a position of power and takes advantage of it by taking joy in insulting people while crushing their dreams.  Do you find your boss clever or cute when he/she insults you and makes fun of your work?  Ladies, does a guy insulting you make them more attractive?  If so, send me a note and I’ll direct a bunch of “great” guys your way.  While being a dick to people can be funny and justified at times, it doesn’t warrant celebrity status.  Certainly, in the world I live in, there are enough assholes and I find no need to encourage more of them to come out of the woodwork.

       When you treat idiots like celebrities, it doesn’t reflect well on us as a nation and public.  Only a bunch of idiots would allow people like Anna Nicole, the Osbourne kids, and Simon to become and remain celebrities.  These people have nothing that justifies their celebrity status – no looks, no talent, no demonstrated intelligence – and this needs to be recognized.  C’mon America, wake up and quit being idiots.

  
Idiot Sighting:  Doctors and staff at United Hospital, St. Paul, Minn. – This was an easy selection.  This story has been in the news all week.  Linda McDougal has both of her breasts unnecessarily removed when the doctor and staff switch her biopsy results with that of another women.  Good Christ!!  How the fuck does this happen?  You’d think that when a doctor gets ready to remove a piece of a person’s body he would be very, very sure that it was necessary.  I’ll give the doctor some props for having the cajones to tell Mrs. McDougal and her husband about the mistake face-to-face.  That aside, how do you make it up to them?  Give her husband her tits in a jar so he can fondle them when he feels the need?  Maybe offer to slap a couple “DDD”s on Linda free of charge? 

What a grade A fuck-up!!  Way to go Doc!  Think his malpractice insurance premium will go up next time around?

Until next time, The Idiot 

The 'Idiot Sighting' will be a feature attached to every article 'honoring' that individual or individuals whose 'Idiot' has escaped and displayed itself to the public.  Feel free to nominate people for this award, as I’m sure that I don’t witness all displays of idiocy on show around the world at any given time.

THE IDIOT DISCLAIMER -
The articles/comments/opinions found here represent those thoughts that all people have that are repressed because open discussion of these thoughts are considered too "taboo," "controversial," "not politically correct," and/or "insensitive" by societal standards. These are the same comments that come to mind instinctively when a person hears some bit of news, but are held unspoken by a mind that considers the consequences of such a comment faster than the mouth can form the words to speak it. In order to provide a simple description of this contribution, consider it the ramblings of an individual with either an abnormally quick mouth or a ploddingly slow mind. On second thought, let's just say inflammatory things and flip society the Polish peace sign.

2003 - Simple Rules for Survival in the Spirit World
2002 - Spackling Stalls and Other Bathroom Misadventures
2002 - W.W.J.D? - Let me tell you.
2002 - Are You a Mangina?
2002 - What Part of "Dead" Don't You Understand?
2002 - Abraham The Swinging Prophet
2002 - Things I Hate - Part 1
2001 - Martha Dumptruck in a Bikini
          and Larry Lardass in a Speedo       
2001 - Embrace Your Inner Idiot

EMAIL:  dogz_idiot@hotmail.com

BIO:  Born in a Kansas wheatfield, raised by the mountains, lost conscience and all social skills in a freak drinking binge that continues to this day...

NOTE:  Apologies to my family who would disown me upon reading this stuff...