Dear Reader,
          Please read the comic and related information below and prepare for my tirade. 

"Bil Keane's warm, humorous portraits of the intimate moments in family life, based on his own real-life family circus, have charmed readers around the world since 1960. Today, The Family Circus  is the most widely syndicated comic panel in the world, appearing in 1,500 newspapers. More than 60 collections of the cartoons have been published, and the panel's characters have inspired three TV specials and appeared in a wide variety of educational and public-service projects."

          Are you ready to spew?  Do you feel an uncontrollable urge to go out and beat someone or something?  Do you feel unfocused anger building in your mind anxiously searching for a target?  If you answered, "Yes" to any of these questions, this sudden rush of animosity and revulsion probably confuses you.  Luckily, I have spent a good amount of time analyzing this reaction when one is exposed to The Family Circus  comic (term used very, very loosely) as I too feel as you do.

          First, you must get down to the root of the problem - The Family Circus  comic fucking sucks!!!  Is it even a comic???  Does it make you laugh??  Does it entertain you in any way??  I would vehemently argue that this creation is NOT A COMIC!  I feel no urge to laugh at this stuff.  On the contrary, reading it makes me want to pull out my cock, put it on a chopping block, hack it off with a cleaver, throw my amputated member into a blender and hit "puree."  The drawings and content are as emasculating a force as Barney and the TeleTubbies (which also suck ass, by the way).  Entertaining?  Yeah, like watching a Jimmy Swaggert revival (this doesn’t count the time that he admitted that he was banging whores like drums, now THAT is entertainment), or going to a bible retreat.

          So, we’ve established that The Family Circus  is a shitty attempt at a comic.  Obviously, Bil Keane is a hermaphrodite who is sodomized by his wife, and you know that she is big and ugly - has to be, and draws this pathetic comic strip as a submissive act in the face of her feminine dominance.  Still, why does this generate anger rather than pity?  Slowly analyze the summary information under the comic above again and you will experience a revelation - insight into the thoughts running through my mind as I read this stuff is in bold type.

          Bil Keane's warm, humorous (humorous?  Who the fuck was the judge of that, Tipper Gore?) portraits of the intimate (Hey Bil, intimate is not defined by two kids discussing "Kittycat."  Now, maybe two kids discussing "pussy") moments in family life, based on his own real-life family circus (you want insight into Bil’s real-life family circus:  In the first ring, we have Bil’s son, Jeff, masturbating to a picture of Donny Osmond.  In the second ring, Bil’s other son, Glen, wearing his Mom’s dress and pretending to be analy violated by big, bad Elvis.  Finally, in the center ring, we have Bil wearing a Gimp mask, complete with a red, rubber ball in his mouth, having his ass explored by his wife with a Flow-Bee.  That’s more like it), have charmed readers (yeah, every thirty-six year old virgin in America thinks "this stuff rocks.  Very edgy!") around the world since 1960. Today, The Family Circus is the most widely syndicated comic panel in the world (This can’t be true!  There is no hope.  I must kill myself.), appearing in 1,500 newspapers. More than 60 collections (Who the fuck spends money for this shit?) of the cartoons have been published, and the panel's characters have inspired three TV specials (The only thing it inspires me to do is commit a hate crime) and appeared in a wide variety of educational and public-service projects.

          It’s O.K.  You can’t help feeling anger when something so pathetic and undeserving of recognition has flourished in our society.  You just want to scream to those that are promoting and supporting the success of this crap, "What the fuck are you thinking!?  For God’s sake, don’t you see that this stuff sucks?!"  The image comes to mind of Bil Keane and his son Jeff working on the daily panel (Yes, believe it or not, it takes the two of them to generate this shit-pile) and, after coming up with a particularly "clever" panel, hugging each other and having the following discussion:

          Bil:  "Great work, Jeff.  I love you and I’m glad that you are my son."

          Jeff:  "Gee, golly.  Thanks Dad, I love you too and I’m glad that you asked me to help you on our comic strip."

          Bil:  "Sure, Jeff.  You know that we have always shared that special bond, especially after we both came out of the closet and started having our incestuous, homosexual relationship."

          The fact that even one of The Family Circus panels was ever published in a large paper and, that upon being published, Bil Keane wasn’t ambushed and bitch-slapped by every man in his town is astonishing to me.  What is the world coming to?  After reading Slithy’s most recent article, I’m thinking that maybe it would be appropriate for Oprah to endorse one of the Keanes’ comic collections.
 

Idiot Sighting:  Goshen, Indiana, gunman - Remember this news story from a couple of weeks back.  A gunman goes on a shooting spree inside a factory after being laid off.  Apparently, he was upset over a love triangle involving him, a woman, and another guy at work.  Well, what you might have missed is that when this twit decided that his time had come and that he needed to off himself, it took him FOUR tries with the shotgun to finish the job.  That’s hilarious!!!  This guy was such a loser (by the way, you know that the reason that he was upset over the love triangle situation is that his little missy just clued him in that he was hung like a gerbil and the love-making skills of a jack rabbit) that he couldn’t even kill himself well.  Wonder what he was thinking when he pulled the trigger the second, third, and fourth time. Great job, Idiot.

This will be a feature attached to every article 'honoring' that individual or individuals whose 'Idiot' has escaped and displayed itself to the public.  Feel free to nominate people for this award, as I’m sure that I don’t witness all displays of idiocy on show around the world at any given time.

Until next time, The Idiot